It's been almost a month since my last post, and since then so much has happened.

A few treasured readers and friends know, but I didn't want to post my most private feelings on here until I was ready. Thank you all for still checking in, I have been reading the comments and e mails, and checking my site meter and seen that my regulars have been bearing with me.

Firstly, the revamp of the site. It seemed appropriate. I was sent many cards, but one, in a picture simply said it all, and will stay on my blog for a long time to come. I only wish I could get the full benefit of the picture by turning it into a simple banner at the top of the page, but, if anyone wants to view the picture click here. You all know I simply adore angels and fairies.....this sums me up perfectly.

Almost four weeks ago now my Dad was taken into hospital, we all thought it was a chest infection as he suffered from COPD.

After two ecg's and one blood test, the doctor came back straight away and insisted on taking another arterial blood test. It proved that my Dad was suffering from a heart attack. I won't go into too much detail as things are "ongoing" with the debacle in the hospital. But we were told many things. Minor heart attack, heart failure and major heart attack. Dad was released a few days later and only home for less than 24 hours, again I can give no details away, as I'm sure Holli will understand. Back in the hospital, shuffled from ward to ward, and most annoyed that every time he chose his meals they moved him to another ward and he had to choose from the left overs.

Finally on 30th August 2007 we lost my Dad. No suffering or pain, simply drifting off to sleep with us holding his hands.

Ok, now the tears start.

Yesterday was his funeral, but, as yet, and probably never, I haven't found closure.

As some of you know, I believe in "the other side" and ghosts, or messages from loved ones. I spent my childhood with friendly faces that were spirits. My Dad, an absolute non believer in this, has sent us all messages, many of them. Some annoying, imagine trying to iron someones shirt ready for the funeral, ironing one sleeve and for no reason whatsoever the iron simply stops working?! Along with stainless steel buckets of flowers ending up on the floor, watches switching themselves to stop watch without being touched, and alarm clocks being turned off he has sent messages to let us know he was watching over us. Making us laugh, which is what he would want. I hope these messages continue, it brings me comfort.

What now?

I really don't know. Hubby and I are due to go on holiday in 9 days. Mum insisted, and Dad would have insisted as well. I'm sure we will raise more than a few glasses for him.

I want to say thankyou for your comments and e mails. And of course for the beautiful cards. A certain person even bought me the most beautiful ornament piggy I have ever seen. He will be christened with my Dad's name, and have pride of place somewhere safe. I will get around to thanking people individually, but right now things are a little to raw. There's so many people I need to ring, to talk to, to hear their voices, but right now all I would do is cry, and that is not what Dad would have wanted.

Postcards and texts will be flying your way soon and the telephone calls will follow.

For now I will love you and leave you.

Take care all, you are in my thoughts.

Whisky

xxxxxx