Fighting Back! Proud Whisky Takes Control

As i guessed, Wednesday night there was really no point in going to bed. I left it until I was completely exhausted, and presumed I was that tired that no thoughts about Thusrdays meeting would wander through my subconscious. Boy was I wrong.

2.30 babies next door singing and crying again!

At 5.00am I gave up and came and sat downstairs. I think I had two hours sleep in total. My tummy was rumbling so I had my toast. Hubby soon came downstairs and was gobsmacked I was awake.

Mum and Dad cam round at 9am and I was surprised. I thought I might get a wave of tiredness.....but that didn't happen until later. My phot's arrived.....well chuffed to hold a picture of Robbie in one hand and a piccy of hubby in the other. I had my bath, and sat and waited for hubby to pick me up.

I was shaking all the way to see the occupational health doctor. Even though he had been so supportive of me last time, I thought the fact we had been on holiday might just blow it for me.

Anyway.....he finally waltzed in.....took one look at me and I saw his face change. He said he remembered me from his first vist, but that he couldnt believe the difference in me. I told him what had happend since our last chat. The Infliximab and the anaphylactic shock. The six or seven more surgeries, the diagnosis of the Hidradenitis Suupuritiva and the Pyoderma Gnagrenosum. His face again changed at the mention of these, and he even looked skywards looking for assistance?!

I gave him the info I had printed off the web about the two conditions, but he said he was familiar with them both. He asked me where I had the HS, and I told him groin not armpit like most people.

I said I had seen Mr R in August, that he was pleased with me, that he had recommended a holiday before I return to work. Ahhh he said. For what reason a hoiliday. I replied for social re interaction and to strenghten my back which hasnt been supporting my weight for over two years. He asked if it had worked and looked at hubby. We both said yes. The holiday wasn't mentioned again. But he did say that my social re interation must be a good idea due to the fact that for the last two years or so I have hardly been out of the house. He laso mentioned that I no longer look pale. D'oh!! I've got a tan. Didn't the hair braids give it away. It obviously wasn't an issue about the holiday LOL.;

To cut a longish story short. He asked what my ideal was, asked for hubby's opinion which I thought was great, as he is obviously aware that hubby knows me better than I know myself sometimes. I told him my main worry was becoming overtired, and that I would know when I had reached my maximum work capacity. He told me I was a clever woman with a tongue in my head and it was up to me to be firm and speak up for myself.

I know that none of this guarantees' that work will have me back. They might takeone look at the "long term part time" approach and say they don't have a position available for me. At least I've put my ideas accross. I've admitted I am ready to return. Which in itself is a big step for me. Now the fears really can come into reality. Clever Crafting Friend and Navie Wifey may remember some of what happend when I tried to return to work at a previous job. At that time I was naive of my illness compared to now. I thought I could carry on no matter what. At that time it was NOT an option for me to go part time. To me that was admitting defeat. But to have all sorts hurled at you, to be accused of things that never happened, or that had been totally misconstrued. To be forced into a corner dusing a meeting which hubby attended, and even he ended up shedding a few tears in terms of stress.....I've learned my lesson.

The first sign that work really don't want me there, or that they are making things difficult for me to return. No more coweing in corners and doing their bidding, and keeping quiet. No more getting home from work and crying all of the time with stress. No more. This time around I'll stand up for myself, and my illness.

Did I ask to have this illness. No. Would I get rid of it. No. It has helped shape me into the person I am today. For once I am proud to say I have Crohn's disease. I have an Ileostomy bag. I have HS and I have Pyoderma Gangrenosum. None of these can be cured, or taken away from me. They are as much a part of me as the mole on my eyebrow......and I'm proud of all of it.

I'm proud of all of me!!

Rant over.

I guess I'll get the letter tomorrow or Monday. Then I'll wait for work to contact me with a view to arranging a meeting with hubby in attendance. I guess that will bring with it a few more sleepless nights.

Yesterday we got home. I rang my Mum to let her know how it had gone. Made a cheese toasty, and went to bed. Hubby woke me at 6pm and I was still exhausted. Eventually I woke up, ate my tea and watched intermittent holiday/diy programmes in one room with hubby, or Robbie in the living room. Then Criminal Minds came on on Five. I watched that, and a programme about a woman who had identical quads sharing one placenta. Another strong woman! I crawled up to bed, drank my whisky and zonked.

Here I am today on Friday 13th. I was up at eleven.....good for me, and Sammy is coming tonight :) Oh how I adore doggy sitting :) :) My furry buddy will be with me until Monday I think, then again at the end of October, and for possible a fortnight in November.......doggy heaven!!!

Anyway. Milky coffee drunk and I've rambled as if I've been on a caffeine hit, which I have. I must go and type up some more of my holiday diary!

Love and a million hugs to all

A Proud Whisky

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