New Years Resolutions

I had to make some, I've already told hubby one of them, but now I've decided on a couple more. Firstly, I am going to ensure I stay in more regular contact with my friends. By ringing at least one friend a week. I spoke to Navie Wifey on Sunday, but I'm not sure that counted as it was me asking for a favour. My friends have rallied round so much for me over the last few years. Maybe I've been too wrapped up in my little cocoon of not working, and at times being scared to answer the phone or the door, let alone leave the house. So, now that I'm more like my old self I'm determined to make more of an effort.

Another of my resolutions is to trust more. For as long as I can remember I have had a fear, that as my body isn't what it should be, as in scars everywhere, and additions to my body (ileostomy bag) that aren't the "norm" that a certain someone may need to find solace with a normal person. I've sat for hours on end thinking about it. Each time someone from works name was mentioned that was it. It's her! I used to think. Occasionally I would mention it, but it just induced anger. At my works Christmas party, we were outside having a cigarette, now remember that hubby never, ever, ever compliments me on how I look. That night at least ten people came up to me and told me I looked gorgeous, and don't forget the over amorous man who wanted a cigarette and "brushed past" me in an embarrassing way.

Anyway, there we were, snuggled together to keep out the cold, and I finally worked up the courage to ask him. I've asked the question before in a round about way, P & C will remember the spin the bottle game at their house, I asked him then, his answers were brilliant, but he was very very drunk.

Basically I now feel safer, that although my body is scarred, and has additions that could get in the way......hubby loves me. He loves the me inside as well as the me outside. His answer that night reassured me, and gave me confidence. I now feel more confident, I hate to say this, but I even feel slightly attractive. Not right now sat in my dressing gown and slipper socks, hair unbrushed etc etc. But when we go out, and I wear a dress, a little make up, and a little perfume. I feel......kinda good :)

So, in the theme of feeling kinda good I've decided to keep up a reasonable facial routine. I love Liz Earle products. Completely natural, made from plants and herbs, and the Cleanse and Polish is truly, truly amazing. But.....now I'm only working part time, it's a little out of my reach financially. So, on my way home from work last night I popped into Tesco. I looked at the expensive products, ans thought I would pooh pooh them and give Tesco own products a go. I bought their exfoliating cleansing wipes (buy one get one free), and a jar of Nivea creme.

An hour before bed last night, I used the wipes, and darned good they are too, my skin felt lovely and clean, and nice and soft. I slapped on some Nivea, plenty, to let it soak in for an hour, and by the time I had gone to bed it had all soaked in! My skin must be undernourished!

This morning, my skin is still lovely and soft and feels fresh. The next thing I need to tackle is my teeth! But that will take some confidence, maybe hypnotism, or even winning the lottery and going under and anaesthetic to get it all done in one go!

If hubby ever reads this, which I doubt he will, I apologise for doubting you. It must be hard for a healthy person to understand how it feels to have scars on your tummy, and (excuse me here) bum cheeks, and....ermmmm other bits and bobs. As well as my bag permanently stuck to me. It's hard sometimes to feel your body is attractive under those circumstances. It's hard knowing at times that things aren't feasible no matter how much you want them. But I think I've finally come to terms with the fact that he doesn't want to look elsewhere. He loves me, he is mine and I am his. He takes me as I am.........and for that I love him all the more.

Blimey....heavy blog or what.

Work today, then a relaxing day tomorrow, and hubby will be home!!! Yayyyyyy.

So, tonight, exfoliate, slap on the Nivea and I'll take the option to "call a friend".

Hugs and love for all

Whisky

xxxxxx