SPC B&W - Round Like A Circle In A Spiral

The challenge this week at Self Portrait Challenge is to express yourself in black and white. I thought about it all of last night, and only came up with one idea.

My life seems to follow a never ending circle. Healthy and happy, seriously ill or recuperating, and then back to healthy and happy. I have so many photographs of me looking skeletal, pale, horrible, but finally, I have some pictures of me looking reasonably well.

A lot of people have said to me lately that I look the best I ever have......if only they knew.

When I was seventeen, just engaged to hubby, I had the opportunity to "make it" as a singer. An agent had heard a demo tape my parents paid for me to have done in a recording studio, it was being copied in a sound studio, he heard it, and signed me immediately. He told me I could be the next Patsy Cline, he offered me talent shows, entering the Eurovision song contest, and a job singing on a cruise ship. He wanted me to sign on the dotted line there and then. My parents said it could be "my" chance, even soon to be hubby wanted me to go, even though it would have meant being away from everyone for months on end.

The only thing missing from my portfolio were pictures. So, my parents, yet again, out of the goodness of their own heart, paid for me to go to a studio and have some portraits done. I only have one of the originals left, and it happens to be black and white.



This picture represents me with a future, with health, with happiness and the thought of marrying the man I loved. I never took the chance to go on that cruise ship. The gulf war started, and the thought of being in the ocean scared the heck out of me. If I had gone, my disease would have taken a hold of me whilst I was on that ship, away from my family, friends and soon to be husband. Yes, maybe I did loose the only chance I had to make singing my career. But I gave it up for the people I love, and because of my illness.

At 32 hubby made my dream a reality. To visit my family in Australia. To spend some valued time with my Aunt and her husband, the cousins who were born when I was last there, or been born since, and my dear dear Pop. My disease was in full swing, but for that time I was in remission. I had three cherished weeks with my family in Australia, and they are memories I will never forget.

But even in this picture, you can see the shape of my face, gaunt, tired, my hair, cropped because I couldn't look after it at the length it was while I was ill. A precious photograph of me in a motel in Australia, dampened by my illness. (and also my attempt to turn it into black and white!).

Now, three years on, after eight operations, weeks in and out of hospital, two years and more off work, I look a little more like the old me. The hair is long and full, the smile is back, my face is fuller, and I have the cheeky glint in my eyes again.

(Black and white version)

(colour version).

I have come round in a complete circle. Like a spiral I keep fighting my way back up to the surface, up to the top. I will try my hardest to stay at the top.

Hugs galore

Whisky

xxxxxx